I love 'over my shoulders' and 'in the living years' since i was in middle school.
"Every generations
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye"
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
The first night of Ramadhan, 5 years ago, my dad passed away.
October 25, 2003 i think.
I was in Balikpapan when my mom told me to go home to jogja,
i arrived in jogja at magrib time, hoping to see him again.
But i never had a chance to say how much i love my dad.
I'm sorry, pah.
Who do I think when I remember him?
Someone so full of life.
Papah was someone who rode a bike to Bali with his friends when he was in senior high school,
tapi sempat marah ketika aku minta sepeda untuk sekolah waktu SMP di Jogja.
"Anak perempuan kok naik sepeda, kalo ada apa-apa di jalan gimana?
Naik becak aja!"
Toh, akhirnya ijin keluar juga ^_^
Papah adalah seorang bapak yang membolehkan anak-anaknya bermain hujan waktu kami masih kecil di samarinda,
yang tidak ragu menyekolahkan anaknya sendirian ke Jawa begitu lulus elementary school,
yang setuju waktu anak perempuannya bercita-cita jadi atlet (walaupun ndak kesampaian...),
yang melarang aku ikut Pencinta Alam tapi akhirnya membelikanku tas carrier dan jaket gunung,
yang dengan cepat naik motor jam 1 malam keliling Jogja mencari apotik yang masih buka ketika aku diare,
yang sering marah-marah dan susah menunjukkan sisi emosinya yang lain (aku mirip papah ya?),
yang susah bersikap romantis terhadap mamah,
yang begitu bangga dengan anak-anaknya,
yang pencinta Inggris dan selalu menonton pertandingan di tv sendirian karena anak-anaknya ndak ada yang suka,
yang perokok berat sampai didiagnosa bone & lung cancer,
yang tidak pernah marah ketika IPK-ku ga naik-naik
dan selalu berpesan "just do your best,nin",
yang menghadiri wisudaku walau harus membawa-bawa oksigen,
yang terus tertawa waktu acara pernikahanku di rumah dan mengajak ngobrol teman-temanku,
yang meninggalkan kami semua pada usia 57 tahun.
Yang pasti sangat menyayangi Damar dan Dimas jika sempat melihat mereka...
My Dad was someone who asked his children to live an honest, humble, and meaningful life, no matter what...
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